After years of learning and experiments, 24-year-old Ali has finally discovered the right way to approach women. “Turns out it takes a little bit of decency and respect,” he chuckled, “I know, I couldn’t believe it either.”
“I often wonder why I never had a girlfriend. I know I don’t look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t have a girlfriend,” Ali said while cleaning the Cheetos dust off his shirt, “but believe me, man, I tried everything. I’ve approached women multiple times using different techniques, there isn’t a single pick up line in the whole pop culture that I haven’t used.”
“I am an alpha male. Along with my other accomplishments, I’m a Minecraft pro. One time I created a massive TNT cannon that could fire about 1800 meters. Go ask my mom upstairs if you don’t believe me, I showed it to her,” he boasted.
“Anyways, coming back to how all women are bitches. I’ve been to many parties and social gatherings, I’m not one of those secluded incel types. I’ve told multiple women how ‘sexy’ they were and how I would like to ‘show them a good time.’ They turned me down every time. I couldn’t understand why. So as a final resort, I tried showing some humility and respectfully approached women. And guess what? It’s working. Can you believe it? Millions of years of evolution, moving up the ladder of dominance-hierarchy and all women want is someone to be courteous? Unbelievable!”
“But you know, what’s the worst part?” he continued. “Even after stooping so low as to treat women with respect, they still refuse to sleep with me. Really shows you why nice guys are so rare these days.”
Sarcasmistan is a satirical news website and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes. Explore our “About” page for more information.